“I’ll raise you five Harriets for one of your Jacksons.”

(Ben Gannon)

Gambling Currency Glossary of terms:

I’ll bet a….

C-Note, century, Benny or Benjamin Franklin. That’s 100 dollars.

A Johnny:That’s a two dollar bill representing our second president, and much like second place, no one remembers him properly and bets a currency which is almost obsolete.

An Honest Abe: The five dollar bill. The only thing dishonest about this bill is when you place a bet and win, the man in debt to you skips town.

An A .J. (Andrew Jackson) Twenty dollars. That’s not worth a Yankee Dime, unless slavery is your thing.

Some Wampum: Tobacco, maize or quality mash.

The fifty dollar bill: That’s a Grant. Not many gamblers carry these anymore, but five dimes equals a Grant.

One large: That’s one thousand Georges. One dollar bills. Our first President would be selling his wooden teeth as wampum if he knew he was the lowest form of currency.

Let’s take a deep and sorrowful dive into the depths of the 45 dollar bill. That bill would be bright red, adorned with snakes, littered with hooves of lies, a deceitful haircut and “In Evil, We Trust.”

Sadly, years ago, many people close to me may have thought I had a gambling problem…until I struck it rich and quit. No problem. Then, my friends following me developed their own problem and blamed it on me. Once they find that pot of gold at the end of the bookie’s ass, they’ll finally get it. When you find that pot of fool’s gold, you go two directions. Quit or take a right. Quitting was always the best option. Taking a right hook is up to you.

Even when you quit serious gambling, you are plagued with gambling credibility and guilt. Calls continue from right field to center and left asking for advice on the latest game. That’s the worst. I was blamed for so many losses (and divorces) for others taking my thin as ice advice, I would have nightmares wondering if they could afford their next month’s rent. That’s when I informed my friends I was officially out.

Since then, the gambling demons have not surfaced, (I do friendly bet on occasion with friends and brothers) but an annual call does ask for my Super Bowl pick. I just laugh, and say, “flip a coin”. Heads they win, and tails you lose.That’s the best I’ve got. Or, bet on Brady. He will probably be the first Quarterback whose face is on the Billion Dollar Bill.

Regarding the names of currency, I will give my vote for one monumental, courageous, intelligent, noble person deserving to be placed on the Twenty Dollar Bill. Harriet Tubman should replace that slave owning ass hat known as Andrew Jackson.

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