This is how blind I am. My wife and I were watching late night tv and, without my glasses, I was wondering why she watching ZZ Top. She said “Those are the Four Tops, you dumb ass.”

Now, she just walks around the house calling me dumb ass. She also calls me Ray Charles. I take that as a compliment.

I remember Mary Lou and Carl Lewis at the 84 Olympics. Our family watched it collectively, and It was dynamite. Recently, my sister made a great analogy regarding the Olympics. She thought, although impressive, badminton is a game played in the backyard or at picnic gatherings. It was a funny observation. As a jerk, I convinced her lawn darts was also an Olympic event. But, instead of receiving medals, the winner would be rewarded with a lifetime supply of potato salad.

The games have changed.

This may seem an unsettling title to my blog, but keep in mind I have selective attention. I tend to hear what I want to hear, or dismiss what I don’t want to hear.

My wife works for a business where they seem forbidden to speak in proper English, and instead speak in coded language and acronyms. They can’t say, “Great. Good work.” It’s “GGW”. Efficiency? Mind you, their acronyms are different than standard text acronyms such as LOL, BYOB, TNT, WTH (what the heck?!!) or GD (Gold digger). It’s more like, “Hey. You wouldn’t believe what happened at work today. I had some IBS crashing with some COD’S and they almost KFTC’d my ass.” What? I didn’t understand anything but KTFC. (I thought it she said “KFC”.) Evidently, KTFC means kill the f—ing clown, which means fire someone.

I played along for awhile, just nodding my bobblehead before saying, “Would you like more dressing for your salad, or WYLMDFYS?” ( It’s a very common text before we eat.) Which reminds me, my old man would have loved texting. Those phones would have been tossed in the nearest body of water. A river, a lake, the ocean, a toilet, a pool (same as a toilet) or just a land mass with puddles.

While my wife was talking about the VD in her place of work, I was getting a bit skittish. Finally, I asked, with some trepidation, who has a venereal disease? Her reply, “I said BD, you dumbass. Business Development.”

What the Hell is that?

Tiger Woods is the Mike Tyson of golf….with the ear.

Trump, a fictional character, makes Saturday Night Live writers sleep well. They don’t have to write anything.

Don’t ignore education. Embrace it.

People watch tv, read the paper and decide what they wish to choose on social media. I guess it’s kind of funny.

There is no time for me..

I understand.

No tears.

I can’t believe Kindergarten Cop is a good movie.

What is a champ? If you figure it out, you become the champ…the winner. You could be a part of winning the World Series. You could win the Super Bowl. These days, the NBA can suck it. A real champ loses and gets back up. Joe Frazier was a champ. Although amazing, Ali was a champ and a chump. That made him intriguing. It didn’t make him a good man.

A wise English teacher once asked the class while attending Washington State Unirversity “How do you define a warrior?” I didn’t speak much in class, or at all for that matter. The professor dismissed all their answers. I was compelled to provide the easiest answer and go home. “A warrior falls down but continues to get back up, no matter what.”

If he didn’t receive a good response, we’d been there all night.

He excused us from class.

Must call you back. Spam is calling.

I don’t understand why some people, perhaps from a different age group, feel the need to answer every call on their other line. “Sorry, I must take this other call. It could be critical. The person’s name is Spam.”

I lost my cell phone. Pretty sure it’s at the beach. Perhaps, I left it there deliberately because I don’t want to talk to anyone. I think that’s fair…..to everyone but my wife.

I grew up with a rotary phone, and I’m still alive. Luckily, the long cord didn’t strangle me when twisting and turning around with siblings saying, “Who are you talking to? Is that your girlfriend? Where did she come from? What’s her favorite part of a BLT”. Jerks.

I would always say to this girl on the phone, “I can’t talk now. In fact, never call me here again. Let’s just speak in English class.” That was in the eighth grade.

She is now my wife.