Derby Alternates

With the Kentucky Derby running on its last stretch of degenerate gamblers, I’d like to give you the names before the odds. If you wish to place a bet with me, you can visit

  1. Elon (Owner owns an electric Horse)
  2. (the owner will be watching from Mars)
  3. Don’t Touch Me (owned by a group of 1000 flight attendants)
  4. Top Gun (owner: Shirtless Tom Cruise and some male beach volleyball enthusiasts)
  5. Bitch Slap (owner: Good Will Smith)
  6. BitchSetMeUp (Owner: Marion Barry)
  7. My Family Matters (Owner: Tom Brady)
  8. MyFamilyDoesn’tMatter: (Owner: Tom Brady)
  9. SayMyName: (Owner: Walter White)
  10. YouShould@#$%Me! (Owner: Mel Gibson)
  11. Boring (Owner: Joe Biden). with due respect.. “and it’s Boring by a nose!”
  12. SmithAndHestin: (I think we all know the owner…..Tom Selleck)
  13. Don’t Say Gay (owner: Florida)
  14. Manscaping (owner: millionaire, and former jockey, Jose Sasquatch)
  15. I’m Weird (owner: Johnny Depp)
  16. I’m Angry (owner: Johnny Depp)
  17. I’m Drunk (owner: Johnny Depp)
  18. You’re Fired: (owner: George Steinbrenner Jr.)
  19. DelBocaVista (owner: Seinfeld’s parents and his uncle Leo)
  20. Yada Yada Yada

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