Freddy

Hello!!!

Answering the phone in this fashion was the only way for a parrot to receive calls in an office. Mike worked as a lumber broker in Oregon. Freddy was my brother Mike’s parrot, and everyone grew to like him, other than Mike’s wife. I guess you could say Mike and Freddy were kindred spirits.

Freddy was purchased for 2,000 dollars in Hawaii. Much to Mike’s dismay, he pleased his wife by allowing this bird to enter his life. I’m sure it’s something he won’t forget. Nor would Freddy.

Even though we sometimes refer to people as having birdbrains, this particular bird was far more intelligent than humans. More importantly, Freddy was unique and funny with a keen sense of knowing who loved him and tried to understand him.

We all thought our oldest brother, Mike, was crazy for buying this bird. He wasn’t crazy, and much like everyone in Mike’s world, he welcomed him to our goofy world as family. I’ll never forget when he traveled to Spokane, Washington for his first Thanksgiving. Freddy was a hit. Amongst people he didn’t know, he was a bit shy, and when we wanted him to ask for a cracker, he backed away and hid in his cage until the turkey was ready. Freddy was very well mannered when it came to table manners or matters. All of us were upstairs when Freddy called out, “Turkey’s done!” It was shocking. “Turkey”s done, turkey”s done, turkey’s done!” Our mother was blown away. She expected to walk down the stairs to see a bird wearing an apron with an electric knife prepared to carve it. Freddy was walking around, and greeted our mother with a boisterous “Hello, turkey’s done.” Indeed it was. Freddy didn’t carve the turkey but he entertained what became his guests throughout dinner. I wish i could disclose Freddy also said grace, but he left that to our father, who was interrupted during his brief grace, by shouting, “Everyone’s hungry!” It was beautiful. We were all very hungry. Mom served Freddy up a plate, but he forgave her for cooking up one of his kin, and denied the plate, respectfully, for a plate of birdseed.

Freddy arrived in the Continental United States to witness the stupidity, self absorbed attitudes floating around the states. Freddy took advantage of it with great personality and grace. Mike’s wife would leave the shower, and Freddy greeted her with a, “Hello Bitch!” He would also use other metaphors I am too young to provide. (I can’t hide my blushes).

Mike called the bird dealership inquiring about the dirty bird’s vernacular. They informed him of the many languages he spoke, but forgot to tell him profanity was his greatest gift. Mike thought it was funny, and after the divorce, Mike got the bird.

Years later, Freddy and Mike became room mates. Mike paid the bills and
Freddy provided the entertainment.

One week, Mike had a business engagement, and as a responsible birder, he invited a quest to look after Freddy. Sadly, things didn’t go well. Without proper details I only know the guest was stellar when taking care of Freddy with one minor detail. He was watching college football in a recliner when, deciding to get a refreshment, declined the recliner, only to hear a shriek and a “F#@%!!’ Freddy’s leg was stuck beneath the recliner. Freddy’s leg was badly broken. Quickly, the guest drove Freddy to the vet with Freddy yelling at him, and cursing, sometimes in various languages. They arrived safely, a cast and crutch was provided, but the hospital stay was decidedly longer than expected.

Upon Mike’s return, he visited Freddy immediately; Freddy was diagnosed with a fracture to the upper and lower bird leg. Mike wished to take Freddy home, so he did so after approval from the doctors. After returning to Mike’s or Freddy’s home, Mike noticed something was wrong with Fred. He no longer happily spewed profanity and seemed depressed. Mike returned to the Vet addressing his concern and when entering the facility, the other birds celebrated his return with words I can’t and won’t disclose. Freddy was depressed. Quite simply, he missed his friends.

Reluctantly, Mike and the Vet agreed this was a better home than one he could provide.

Mike visited Freddy frequently with Fred’s open wings and a “How the F@#K are you?!

They are both fine.

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