Years ago, I used to get the 24 hour flu. After my first year of teaching middle school, I developed an immunity. In fact, the only two sick days I remember taking after fifteen years of teaching was when my brother broke my ribs.
Yesterday, after watching part to the Academy Awards, I quickly caught the Oscar Virus, commonly provided by wives who convince their husbands to suffer through this wonderful display of narcissism. After a half hour, I seriously was sweating, had the chills, and felt nauseous. After three and a half hours, the 3 and a half hour virus passed through my system like ex lax chased with Cheetos.
Don’t get me wrong, I love movies. However, I only watched one of the movies involved in the ceremony. That disqualifies me from sending in a ballot. Oh well, I probably deserve it after making my wife suffer through countless athletic events. I don’t think she felt sorry for me. Actually, she did which made it worse.
I’d like to thank the Academy for playing the music before I write any more of this drivel.