Marshall Burgers

Grilled burgers are commonly thought of by hundreds, thousands and millions of Americans much like the Sistine Chapel. They are simply worshiped. My terrific friend, Marshall St. John, AKA: Mark, AKA: Macho, AKA: Marshall Mathers (that is Tom’s nickname for him) AKA: Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch opened my eyes, esophagus and lower intestine to these heavenly and addictive burgers. Save the meat and the bun, the Marshall Burger requires three simple ingredients provided later in this segment.

This slap worthy delicacy was accentuated by my brother, Greg. He didn’t begin the Marshall Burger craze by creating the dish, he just slapped you while eating them because he loved them so much. (Our family affection when words do not provide the appropriate complements) “That’s great!” just wasn’t enough of a compliment. A slap across the face by Greg was terrific because it seemed the ultimate form of saying, “That’s damn good”.

The ingredients include, cheese, mayo and onions. Let me rephrase that. THEY INCLUDE CHEESE! MAYO! AND ONIONS! THAT’S IT!

As a college student returning home on a weekend or break, I was usually excited because Marshall, Marshall’s son, my close friend,Trevor, and I would visit a local burger joint. Watching and listening to Marshall order this burger with tremendous zest was abject entertainment.  His ordering prowess could surpass any King or Prince living in Spokane Valley Washington.

Trevor and I would usually convince Marshall to take the drive through route because the notorious fuzziness would provide further humor.  Upon arriving, Trev and my orders were quite simple.  We’d take the common number whatever, but Marshall’s order was far more specific.  His order was actually very simple, but the recipient of the order would try to make it much more complicated.  Thus, making the show proceed.

Burger guy: May I take your order?

Marshall:  I would like a burger with cheese, onions and mayonnaise, please.

Burger guy:  Would you like that with pickles and relish?”

Marshall: (a little agitated) No.  Just a burger with cheese, onions and mayo.

Trevor and Ben:  beginning to laugh at the ensuing onslaught of Marshall’s wrath

Burger guy:  Would you like ketchup and mustard on that?

Marshall:  NOO!! I don’t want any pickles, ketchup, mustard, relish, or tomatoes…..JUST ONIONS MAYO AND CHEESE!

Burger guy: How about bacon?

Marshall:  God Damn it!!  No!

We laughed hysterically and historically because it was commonly an episode of two stooges and an irritable man.

Leaving the last for best, I grew tired of listening to these rants, however entertaining they were.  Therefore, I decided to cook a Marshall burger on my own:  grilling the onions until perfectly caramelized, barbecuing the burgers to substantial agreement while melting the cheese atop, then layering the toasted buns with  MAYO and grilled onions.

Many people have raved about this delicacy.  Brother Mike serves them often to his wife.  Brother Tom cooks them commonly for his son, Quinn.  My wife orders them from me on a weekly basis.  Yet, in a morbidly gratifying fashion, there is never a greater satisfaction than getting slapped by brother Greg when tasting the morsel only Marshall St. John could create.

More Marshall Chronicles to come….

Ben Gannon