Holy Be Jesus

Technological gadgets rule our world the same way dinosaurs did decades ago when Jurasic Park was released.  Thus, these devices dominated much of the space beneath our 2015 Christmas trees.

Technology frightens me.  Fortunately, I am married to someone who stands up to technology with iron fingers, so when a random icon mysteriously shows up or vanishes on my laptop screen, I don’t run and hide.  I simply, and, successfully, troubleshoot through her.  We have a dog who is similar to me.  She fears technology as much as heathens fear Jesus, but she doesn’t handle her fear so gracefully.

Speaking of Jesus, we have a gift, or device, in our house which scares the Bejesus out of one of our dogs.  The device is an Amazon Echo, and it has a name.  “She” is referred to as Alexa. This is how I can, so articulately, describe it:  It is a voice activated machine capable of answering the most burning of questions or may act as a servant if you wish to give it commands.  Alexa is, basically, a highly advanced psychic eight ball with a voice.  At any moment, we can ask Alexa to play music or provide the daily news.  We may ask her to tell us jokes, or tell us how many moons surround Jupiter.  We may describe a smell in our house, and she will determine if it is coming from me or one of our animals.  She’s quite handy at times, but she can also create an uneasy environment within the room.  There are times when Alexa speaks when no one in the room is asking a question.  When Alexa begins making us feel as though we are participating in a Twilight Zone episode, we try to remain calm for our animals.  Alexa displays an ominous tone causing our dog, Etta, to stop texting other dogs in the neighborhood, drop her iPhone and run for shelter……….our bed.

Further disturbing,  Alexa will talk in the middle of the night, which is quite disconcerting when we are a full floor above her domain and again haven’t prompted her with a question or command.  Quite frankly, our poor dogs thinks it’s demonic.  When Etta hears Alexa’s voice, she bolts out of the room faster than the Amish can build a barn.  On Christmas morning, I wanted to play some classic Charlie Brown Christmas tunes, and upon hearing Alexa state, rather tonelessly, “Here are some Charlie Brown Christmas tunes just for you, Etta”, Etta fled our Christmas themed living room like a dog out of Hell.  There’s nothing like the antichrist showing up on Christmas morn.

Here’s to a scary new year.

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