Cock Tales and Dreamers

Priding myself on writing moderately decent introductions, I don’t quite know how to begin this flog.  Please forgive me, but allow me to try……..because it’s kind of funny, yet crosses some boundaries within my writing.

As most intelligent earthlings throughout the Milky Way know, the movie “Cocktail” is one, if thee not worst and most talked about movies of all time.  I feel embarrassed just writing this.  I feel further embarrassment because I watched this hilarious film, in its’ entirety with a girl who actually thought it was good.  This girl did not become my wife. Once again, humor is far more attractive than Tom Cruise.  That’s one of the many reasons I married Britt, who can bust my gut better than Joe Frazier could hit Ali.  She thought the movie was simply ridiculous . I then decided who may make a terrific mate for me, much like a primate chooses a  wonderful spouse.  It wasn’t the beauty, the brain, the love she provides,( she possesses all), it was more important matters such as if she liked or disliked movies such as “I must be on cracktail to like this movie”.  In my mind, if she loves the movie, “Cocktail” other than making fun of it, she’s out.  If she likes”Jaws”, “The Sting”, and “Meatballs”…..she’s in.

I am trying to be delicate this morning writing this blog because I worry about offending people regarding the ultimate conclusion.  Oh, screw it.  When Britt does not wish to have relations and I do,  she says something funny, or does a goofy dance rendering me, or it, useless.  It works every time and I love it…..sort of.

Other than writing about cocks, I wish to write of my dreams. I dream of being a writer.  When I dream of reading the reviews on the back cover of my book, I don’t imagine reading things like, “captivating from beginning to end”, “endlessly thrilling”, “fabulously provocative”, “diabolically riveting”, “tragically fascinating”, “courageously unique”, “magnificently brutal….I give it five stars for brutality points”, and “Why did I read the Bible when I could have read this shit?”.  No.  I wish it to read, ” You made me laugh so hard I couldn’t get a boner”.

Seattle/New Yank Times

Disclaimer:  If I offended anyone following my blog, (especially Britt’s wonderful parents and random family members)  please understand that semi clean humor can ease some of our pain.

Anonymous