It takes Two to Rumble

It does take two to rumble, and, quite often, it’s with your wife.  Scrabble, Monopoly, the Game of Life; they mean nothing compared to TV and Mother’s Day.  We have no children so I have had a heck of a time trying to get our dogs and cats to write a Mother’s Day card for her.  They can eat tennis balls, which I can’t and never wish to do, but they are incapable of using  the pen and paper I toss them.  I even provide the card.  All they have to do is write down the address, including area code, and, with their paws, give a signature……..Am I asking too much?  I think not.  The dogs and cats look at me as if I am insane.

I had their nails cut today, cleaned that gooey stuff out of their eyes, explained basic English skills, and even let them know that it’s ok to make an error……unless they’re playing third base or centerfield, or miss Mother’s Day.

Fear and Stealing in Seattle

I am guilty of many crimes.  They are all just mildly and wildly stupid.  Today, I committed a crime.  I stole a dog and a ladder.  Stealing is really something I don’t do well.  In fact, I’m completely against it, but when our two dogs are wagging and begging to see a friendly neighborhood dog, I just can’t help myself from opening and entering through the neighbor’s back gate.  Opening and entering sounds far more decent than breaking and entering.  I didn’t break anything….other than the law.

Bo,  our neighborhood friendly dog, also affectionately known as Bobafet, Bobafettish, Bobo Brayton, or Botox  was allowed, by me, to exit his backyard.  He is safely hidden in our basement.  Actually, he is currently playing in our backyard with our friendly dogs.  Bo is a wonderful guy.  Our dogs express that fact to me daily.

Crime number two:  “Stealing a Ladder”. The owners of Bo, the dog, received a gift from me earlier this summer.  It is an extremely tall ladder.  I provided that gift because, being ridiculously afraid of heights and gutters, getting rid of that ladder and hiring someone to clean gutters seemed like the right thing to do.  My wife wasn’t necessarily pleased with my decision.  Before our wedded bliss, she purchased this firefighter like ladder for a mere sum of money I don’t wish to disclose.  It’s huge.  I don’t mind throwing or giving away crap that’s mine, but I probably shouldn’t give things to people which I didn’t purchase.  So, the right thing to do is steal it from the person you provided it to, right??  Reluctant to steal anything, I was forced purchase a 13 foot tree to commit the crime.  Unless I became “Spiderman”, there was no way to place the star on our Christmas Tree. Stealing that ladder was the only option.

If my children, friends, neighbors, dogs, cats or wife are starving, I will steal a loaf of bread.  That’s just the way I roll.

Sorry, John.  Bo is heading back home, but will you PLEASE steal our ladder back.

New Friends

Unless it’s Dr. Seuss or Shel Silverstein, I’m really not into this crazy culture known as rhymes.  I’m not even good at it, but since meeting this new friend, I am compelled to write about him.

Here we Bo;

Our new friend is named Bo,   comma

We treat him as if he was our Bro, comma

He’s really quite mellow and an extremely nice fellow, but he maintains this interesting quirk of pissing on our flo.  (floor)  The End

You won’t be able to find Bo on Wikipedia so I will provide some TRUE background knowledge regarding our four legged friend.  He has short legs, a wonderful personality, terrific parents and is our two dogs’ new toy.  I hope our dogs don’t eat him like all of their former toys.

Like me, Bo gets a little lonely sometimes and wags at our door wanting to play.  It’s hilarious and we can’t turn him downtown.