State Fair

Caramel Apples, Cotton Candy, Elephant Ears, Fried anything, Footlong Corndogs…(my personal favorite) sweet potato or minced meat pie gathered with wonderful straw hat adorned fellows, bellowing, “howdy pardner” on a tractor.  Is there anything more innocent, precious and simple?  Just down home good folk wearing cut off jean shorts who can’t get more gosh darned genuinely kind. Well, it’s that time of year.  It’s time for a great State Fair.

Step right up and win an ashtray!

Other than rock fights, potato fights, wiffleball games, basement boxing matches, and an occasional sibling showing up on Christmas with a worn down 20 dollar snowmobile, (which we proceeded to destroy), Spokane had little to offer………other than the annual STATE FAIR!

There were pigs, chickens, rabbits, bulls, cows, ducks, horses, cats, and every other animal anyone could eventually eat while living in Spokane.  It was our five dollar Disneyland.  There were also rides.  I remember thinking to myself, “should I sacrifice this money on a corn dog, or ride the “zipper” or perhaps, the “sizzler”?  Knowing I could perhaps do all three, I was both dumb enough and smart enough to skip the corn dog because it would be projectile vomited on one of the rides, thus wasting one dollar and ruining someone’s shirt.

The innocence of those days makes me remember that we didn’t have to drink and get thrown out of a bar to have fun.  We simply needed a snow cone, a funnel cake, and as a good friend once told me, “you gotta get the crusty pup”.  That’s a corny dog to you and me.

Deciding to further research this complex subject, I combed the streets of Seattle and Bremerton, Washington, interviewing people seeking memories of past State Fairs.  My wife thought this was a frivolous idea, therefore, I did it anyway.  Some of the people requested their names should be changed to protect their innocence.

Top Ten State Fair experiences and or prizes…..in no particular order:  These are all tape recorded responses so forgive me for the lack of sentence structuring.

1: Craig Handjob:  “winning ashtrays and beer steins only to carry them back on my bike to my mom and dad who didn’t drink or smoke”

2: John Dwellingson: “proudly displaying my half Iron Maiden mesh T-shirt I just won for my first girlfriend”

3: Taco Stone: “displaying so much corn on the cob in my teeth that people thought I had never been to a dentist”

4: Britter Bear Gannon:   (that’s her native American name) “won a goldfish after playing a game costing my parents 50 dollars.  It was dead by the time we got home”.  (Ironically, she ended up marrying a dead fish)

5: Larry Johnson: “won or found a cat.  I was stoned at the time so I really don’t remember.  (Coincidentally, he ended up marrying a woman who is allergic to cats.  He no longer smokes pot).  These were fascinating people!

6: Jackhole Brownstain:  “winner of the best pornstar mustache competition”

7: Yawn Larson:  “I ate an entire watermelon, including the rind and seeds.  Threw up for two days but won an etched ACDC mirror”

8: Seamus Mcgillicutty: “I saw the biggest balls of my life on a bull.  I haven’t been to a fair since”  (some of these testimonials are sad)

9: Conner Russell: “my dad was going to beat up the man running the pony rides because he didn’t think it was safe enough”

10:  Russ (he used this name as though it was the equivalent to Cher, Madonna, or Prince)  After only providing this mysterious name, he said to me only two words.  “demolition derby”.  He then strolled off to find the closest monster truck show.

Initially, I began making fun of the idea of State Fairs as being complex.  Currently, I am amazed at the capacity and complexity a State Fair maintains.  There’s just too much to offer.  Therefore, I would like to ask my friendly followers to add anything I am missing.  But take caution, because I have the 12 foot corndog of dreams story to offer regarding The Spokane County Fair.  It involves a man only known to some as, The Old Man.  Not the dude.  The Old Man.

Just wait until I talk about Carnivals.  That may be dubiously better, or flat out worse.

Ben

29 thoughts on “State Fair

  1. Reminds me of the movie, “The Jerk”. Navin (Steve Martin) is giving away a plethora of small items at the weight guessing booth. His boss comes by and Navin is dejected when asked how it was going. His boss proceeds to inform him he has taken in many dollars and only given away pennies of merchandise. The scene continues with Navin saying to himself “ohh….it’s a profit deal!!!!”. The scene ends with him proclaiming to all potential suckers (customers) “Step right up, win some crap!!!!”. Btw…I believe my parents still have all my plunder in their basement!!!! Anyone need a virgin ashtray????

  2. After too many rides and too many elephant ears, I actually vomited all over an airbrushed, sci-fi mural of a scantily clad lady blasting aliens with a laser gun that was a backdrop of a crappy ride. The centrifugal force from the ride really put some punch behind the spewage, and covered a pretty good section of the painting. One of my most favorite memories.

  3. My wife and i got very glad Louis managed to finish off his reports via the precious recommendations he acquired using your blog. It is now and again perplexing to simply be giving freely guidance that many many others might have been selling. And we also remember we have the website owner to be grateful to for that. These illustrations you made, the simple site navigation, the relationships you assist to foster – it’s all superb, and it’s really aiding our son in addition to us reckon that this matter is awesome, which is incredibly pressing. Thanks for everything!

  4. Nice post. I used to be checking constantly this weblog and I’m inspired! Extremely helpful info specifically the final section 🙂 I take care of such information a lot. I used to be looking for this certain information for a very long time. Thanks and good luck.

  5. It is in point of fact a nice and helpful piece of information. I am glad that you simply shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Hi my family member! I wish to say that this article is amazing, nice written and come with almost all significant infos. I would like to look extra posts like this .

  7. Hello very cool web site!! Guy .. Excellent .. Wonderful .. I’ll bookmark your website and take the feeds also?I am happy to seek out numerous useful info here within the publish, we’d like work out more strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

  8. I just want to mention I am very new to weblog and truly enjoyed you’re blog. Very likely I’m likely to bookmark your blog post . You certainly have impressive article content. Thanks a lot for sharing with us your web site.

  9. I truly appreciate this post. I have been looking all over for this! Thank goodness I found it on Bing. You’ve made my day! Thanks again! “All that is gold does not glitter not all those that wander are lost.” by J. R. R. Tolkien.

  10. Hello there, I found your web site by way of Google while searching for a similar topic, your web site came up, it seems to be good. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.

  11. This is my first time i visit here. I found so many entertaining stuff in your blog, especially its discussion. From the tons of comments on your articles, I guess I am not the only one having all the enjoyment here! Keep up the good work.

  12. Hiya, a splendid piece buddy. Beneficial reveal. Yet I am just having difficulties with the Feed. Incapable of enroll for it all. Does anybody dealing with some same Rss difficulty? Any person who will facilitate generously reaction. Appreciate it.

  13. Pingback: cheap electronic cigarette kits

  14. Pingback: gravel marks

  15. Pingback: Dog Training Products

  16. I just want to tell you that I’m all new to blogging and actually loved this web-site. Very likely I’m want to bookmark your blog post . You amazingly have fantastic writings. Thanks for sharing with us your website.

Leave a Reply to dubai offshore company formation agents Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *