Living in the Pacific Northwest, I have always loved rooting for the Seattle Seahawks. I am not a member of the 12 man society, but I love those who are. They entertain me and inspire me almost as much as a Matthew McConaheeee commercial. In the fourth quarter of today’s game, my wife had given up hope on a Seattle victory, and I tried to give her strength to hold on to her dream of the Hawks winning their opening game. Demoralized beyond the point of husbandry pleasantries, my words were fruitless. She had evaporated into a couch already saturated with Seattle Mariner tears. It was then, when Matthew McCohancahee, during a commercial break, gave her relief at the precise moment she required it. It wasn’t the car he was selling, and it wasn’t the pool he was oddly falling in, making us all question his sanity, and it wasn’t even those eyes….those steel blue eyes placing you in a sauteed mushroom trance. Rather, it was…..well, other than absurdly ridiculous, a wake up call, reminding us that reality can become unreality, and that can become reality. Wow. Our heads were spinning with both excitement and abject confusion.
The following might be true. Then again, it might also be true. Just try and make it false, and that may also be true. (It’s simple Matthew McCognicence 101.)
There was no laughter, only profound admiration and respect for Matthew and his craft. When the commercial came to its epic conclusion, we were subliminally reminded of his greatest line sending him into a wildly successful vortex of celebrity bliss. “Are you lookin at me? Are you lookin at me?” Wait a minute. That’s the wrong line and perhaps a different actor. “We’re gonna need a bigger boat.” That’s not the right one either. My fault. I guess it was something a little more relaxed which was what we both needed before giving up on our home team. “Alright, alright, alright…”. Shortly after we properly remembered those words of biblical proportion, the Seahawks pulled off an unlikely victory.
Alright, Alright, Alright.
I love that guy!