My step dog, Jack, just turned 14 today, and his tail is still waging.  So is his mouth. His mother, my wife, has treated this dog with respect, kindness, and the proper diet: Table scraps and gourmet cupcakes.

Jack is cute, friendly, thoughtful, has a terrific sense of humor, yet maintains discipline within the boundaries of our property with respect to the squirrels. He is also overweight. We don’t know why.

Our veterinarian lectures us about Jack’s weight.  He also can’t believe how fat, old yet healthy he is.  Our vet also tells us to never feed him table scraps.  Before people judge us, and by the way, we don’t give a crap if you do, I would like to define our “table scraps”:  These are Jack’s table scraps.

Grilled Pork Tenderloin Medallions drizzled with a balsamic glaze accompanied with Sauteed Mushrooms and Garlic Toast.  It’s His go to meal.

Rainbow Trout lightly dusted with seasoned Snoqualmie Falls pancake mix, crispy fried in olive oil with Steamed Cauliflower and Broccoli.

“We can never smell it” Grilled Sockeye Salmon over hickory coals and garlic asparagus.  Jackdog pisses outside.

Chicken Parmesan with Vine Ripened Tomatoes stolen from neighbor’s garden to create a bowl full of Basil Marinara.

The Ridiculous Rueben:  St. Patrick’s Day is the only day Jack requests the most expensive corned beef, cabbage, and cheese.  This comes with toasted Rye and a special sauce.  Complimentary spilled beer on the side.

Cajun Catfish fry with Caramelized Onions.  (Mardi Gras comes more than once a year for our Jackdog.)

Grilled Halibut with Lemon Basil Vinaigrette and Roasted Brussels Sprouts.  (Jackdog likes this with a cheap white wine.)

Roasted Chicken with Rosemary and Buttery Brown Sugar Butternut Squash.

Backyard Marshall Burger:  Look it up.  It’s posted on my blog.

Grilled Brats with caramelized onions, sauteed mushrooms and peppers.  (Jackdog loves this while watching baseball or football.  He’s a great admirer of both sports, and I’ve never witnessed him spill a beer.)

Jackdog’s Favorite:  Ribeye Steak.  No sides.

One might think my cooking must be dreadful if such culinary delights become scraps. Quite the contrary.  I make enough for five.  We have another large dog as well.  I also save the fifth helping for myself.  Piss on the cats.  They can eat rats.

Happy Birthday, Jackdog.  Keep waging.