Ghosts, Posts and T1 (Stephen) – Part II

Both distinctly and vaguely remembering Pat thumb through the guest list makes me laugh to this very day. I truly believe he thought the ghosts would check in by their names, room numbers, and identify themselves as ghosts: Casper, Donner, Blitzen, Bill, Past, Present, Filepe….(we had to be politically fair….ghosts are not confined to being American). Even as strangely off beating with a beer track, if you will, I recall looking at Pat with a sort of confused and whimsical smile, thinking, “what in the hell are you doing?” Never the more, I respected his thoughts, inquiries, and seconds of painstaking research this young man had placed forth during this challenging day of drinking, dancing, celebrating a wedding, and ultimately spotting a ghost.

We tip toed, (staggered) down several hallways and corridors seeking something which may create a story only our grand kids and everyone else knows we would be lying about. It was glorious! Pat had that look in his eye. You know the one; the one kids apply when looking for ghosts. He wanted to catch one and beat the dead hell out of it for scaring him as a youth. Me? I was just gathering drunk material. Seconds went by, literally, (when seconds go by hunting for ghosts, it feels like years) and we found nothing, zero, bagel! It was a sad midnight. Pat was melancholy. I was relieved. Yet, although finding no ghosts, there is, indeed a happy ending.

In this quaint hotel, many guests did not have bathrooms in their own room, including ours. So, as many naked people do, they adorn themselves with these ridiculous customary white robes provided by the haunted hotel. Pat, my good friend and nephew, would witness these living humans walking, or as he stated “floating”, peacefully to the “john” or “bath”, pointing a finger at them screaming, “LOOK! GHOSTS!!!”. These friendly patrons would become mortified witnessing this red haired (looking like it had been scorched from hell) crazed man (Pat) and sprint to their rooms. Then, we’d share a good chuckle and adjourn ourselves to our own haunted room.

Peacefully, we all fell asleep at midnight only awakening to Steve’s Three o’clock a.m. internal Kramer alarm. “C’mon, We gotta get on the road!”. Not wishing to argue with a man who can kill you with one flick of the fist, we reluctantly, and literally rolled out of bed. Funny thing was, Steve, who looked remarkably stupid in his white ghost robe, was prancing around the room, repeatedly saying, “Hey! This carpet is all wet. Why is this carpet so wet? This is weird! Maybe a ghost came in here and pissed! Cool!” At that point, my most trusted brother, Tom, looked at me with those father like eyes and quietly said, “You pissed in here in the middle of the night, didn’t you?”. My reply? “I don’t know? Probably, but don’t tell Steve”. I must have been too damned afraid to go to the head down the hallway myself, so I just happily urinated on the haunted hotel carpet. Or did I??????????

That’s a stupid ending. Sorry, Steve, I couldn’t hold it.

Post Ghost Syndrome: Pat slept the whole way home, Steve pondered urinating ghosts, Tom wondered how he had subjected himself to such idiots, and I was merely happy Steve didn’t know he was walking in my piss.

Truly…..I think.

Benjamin J. Gannon

46 thoughts on “Ghosts, Posts and T1 (Stephen) – Part II

  1. A ghost pissin in our plant that night with over spill on the floor. Steve keeps splashing in it in the morning with his bare feet thinking it was wierd. That was classic.

  2. Wow
    what a great story i love to read family stories because we all have them and you tell yours very well. I am enjoying reading these!!!

    • Thank you, Earl! That means a great deal to me. I am doing my best to make the world a happier place and myself a terrific husband. As you know, she deserves it. She is easy to love. We are doing quite swell. I hope you are as well. (I didn’t mean to make that rhyme)


  3. Ben,
    I love swinglikeawildman!!!! stories! How funny!! Keep them coming.
    Now Caleb and Joe don’t have to hear family stories from me, as I definitely don’t tell them as well as you. Infact they usually walk away when I’m telling them or fall asleep. Now I can laugh at something besides Seinfeld and King of queens which I look so forward to everyday. Yes that is my life.

    • Thank you, Teresa! I’ll provide more goofy fun for your sons later. Hope you are swell.

      PMS. Britt and I watch Seinfeld every night at 10:00. Laughter keeps us from crying. Actually, we are quite happy. I hope you are as well. Tell that southern husband I say, “hi”. If he’s an Auburn fan, tell him I say, “Goodbye” and “kiss my F@@##ing Britts!”.


  4. I loved the ghost story but I think both our memories of that late night hunt are vague at best. I wonder if that had anything to do with the hundreds of beers and whatever other alcohols that we hammered down at the open bar? As far as seeing real ghosts at the “haunted hotel” I don’t remember any. Although I didn’t see a ghost, I did see a vanishing act that only a ghost dissipating into thin air could rival. I also had a front row seat in the “almost” making of a ghost. Let me explain.
    First the vanishing act. Going to THE KING OF FUN’S (my uncle mike)wedding I knew it was going to be a great time no matter what, good food family and some beverages. I didn’t expect that there was going to be anybody around my age I wasn’t related to. As I scanned the crowd of TKOF’s guest. I saw a great looking chick that sparked my interest, and me having full of myself drunk syndrome I believe I sparked hers too. After the TKOF and B tied the knot in a great ceremony I made my move. As I approached I realized that she was there with her parents her dad being TKOF’s long time friend Billy B. I said” hello Billy how ya been?” He said “Great Paddy how are you?” I then replied “great is this your daughter?” Billy said “why yes, Daughter, this is Paddy O’dan And now that you have met him it is now time for you to go to the room and stay there!” Just like that Billy might as well said abra fucking cadabra cause woosh she vanished.
    Next was seeing a ghost almost get made. Well you ask what the hell does that mean? For a ghost to get made someone must die or in this case get killed. I don’t know how it happened exactly because it was closer to the ghost hunt than the beginning of the party so my memory is hazy. All I know for sure was a smelly long haired dude wearing a Hawaiian Tee and almost got made into a ghost by Uncle Ben (i.e. owns this blog). Normally Ben is a pretty easy going dude that does not like throw down and will avoid it at all cost. Ben says he wears glasses and flip flops the only reason being so he doesn’t have to fight but that doesn’t mean he cant handle a good brawl, he is brother of Steve. Now I know my fair share about fights so I have sixth sense about when a good ass whipping is about to accour. When I saw Ben slowly bring both his hands to his face and gently remove his prescription frames fold them ever so carefully and hand them to Tom I thought for sure there was going to be one more ghost haunting the halls of that hotel. If it wasn’t for Tom’s quick realization that the reason Ben handed him his frames was Ben was going to start swinging like a wildman and stopping Ben before the massacre we might of had a real ghost story.
    Anyways that’s what I remember keep those post coming.
    Paddy O’dan

    • Thanks, POD! Interesting what we remember (and what we don’t) after an enlightening day and night of drinking. Why did that guy irritate me so much? I believe you were similarly agitated, as Tom later told me you were doing a Superman Swan Fly over my head to get at him first. Hmm. These are better ghost stories than most people actually try to get you to believe.

      Britt’s husband

  5. I think the reason for you being so irate was the same as walking into a public restroom that someone just demolished It just instantly invokes anger. That dude stunk!!!

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