Deductibles (Trees and Dough)

This is the top of the tree, sitting on our deck.

This is the top of the tree, sitting on our deck.

So, during a West Seattle storm, a couple of trees visited the side of our house the other night…..no big deal.  We are safe.  Thanks for asking.  We also had  some other visitors the next day…….big deal.  Our neighbor, all of six years of age, along with her mother, all of an age she won’t disclose, rang our doorbell the day after the storm. They were attempting to sell us cookies.  That is the perfect storm:  Trees colliding into our house followed by ladies peddling cookies.  Thank God they didn’t show up with a Bible.  Noah may dispute this, but that would have become the perfect Biblical Storm.

While negotiating our deductible with our insurance agency, I was also knee deep with cookie negotiations with our six year old neighbor, Peanut.  She wasn’t concerned with our house dangerously close to being crushed by large trees.  She wanted to make a sale.  Upon opening her catalog of pastries, impatient man that I am, I yanked out a twenty dollar bill hidden in my wallet and said, “Take this, and get the hell out of here.”  That’s not quite the way I said it.  I thought twenty dollars would suffice when buying cookies from a six year old.  Not so fast.  Peanut had to read cookiedoughmy wife the cookie guide provided by her school, evidently guiding her to not settle for twenty dollars when dealing with a man and a one thousand dollar deductible on a house.  Peanut had a thirty two dollar deductible on her cookies.  My wife pulled out the check book and we quickly settled.  In the process, since we were more concerned with the worthy cause of making her school a better place to ignore teachers, we really weren’t too concerned with the type of cookies, or in this case, “Dough” we were purchasing.  Shrewd business girl as she is, after Peanut turned down my twenty dollar bill, I decided to find the proper thirty two dollars worth of cookies she was selling.  Quickly, she pointed at the cookies she wanted.  Bright and impatient man that I am, I asked her, “Who are we buying these for, you or us?”  Her smile only made us smile.  However, after inquiring and reading further pages, we weren’t purchasing cookies, only cookie dough.  I was pleased to sign the check for thirty two bucks.  Asking who to write the check out to, Peanut’s mother replied, “Oh, just sign it out to me”.  My wife and I thought that was sarcastically funny. However, that dough is going directly into Peanut and her mother’s oven.  If we’re paying for this, someone else is going to bake it.

When leaving our house, and darkness was securing our neighborhood, Peanut’s mother asked us a very important question:  “How late is it too late to sell cookie dough to the rest of our neighbors?”  Our response:  “Now…..Now is too late.”

We can’t wait for Peanut and her mother to return with freshly baked goods.

 

 

Pumpkin Police

Sarcasm is a wonderful weapon when it’s used properly upon others.  When it’s tossed back at you with wicked power, it can be equally effective.

I write so I can help pay the rent.  If I wrote to make a ton of money, I don’t think I’d see, hear, or have any contact with earthlings I enjoy……i.e…..relatives, friends, and even an occasionally friendly neighbor.

Britt (AKA…Yoko Gannon) and I recently moved to a new neighborhood, thus befriending and defriending members of the community.  Sir John Ellingson and his wife have welcomed my wife, Britt, and I into this humble neighborhood.  His wife, Megan, and their daughter, Emma (AKA…Peanut) have also made us feel welcome.  They bake us magnificent banana bread, prepare terrific omelets and invite us to their daughter’s dance and ballet classes.  Genuinely, and without any sarcastic tone, they are great people.  John actually irritates me because he is taller, maintains more hair, stays in shape, has a good job, is a great father and is just generally better than me.  He also has a sense of humor and sense of dry wit, making mine sound infantile.

Britt, Megan, John, Emma, Chris, (John’s friend) and I had some appetizers the other night at their house.  John was a bit irritated with me because I don’t update my blog enough.  I tried to explain why my updates aren’t always up to date.  My editor always wishes to read my blogs before sending them to the world.

John is a man who knows I stay at home attempting to write.  He also knows there are times when I just get to take the dogs to the park and prepare dinner for Britter Bear Gannon. One recent day, while suffering from writer’s blockage, I purchased two pumpkins so I could surprise Britt with my carving talents.  Britt happily and proudly described my artistic prowess with the pumpkins to John.  In a needle like fashion, John responded, much like the mayor of West Seattle,….”so Ben just sits at home and carves pumpkins all day”?

I don’t get offended easily.  I get offended really easily.  If I had balls below the waist, it would have been considered a low blow.  Since I don’t have balls below the waist, I merely interpreted it as verbal slander.

John, my new, and perhaps ex friend, works long hours. I wave him goodbye when he leaves for work.   Other than making fun of baseball teams I root for, he supports my writing and motivates me to be a good husband, and eventually and hopefully, some day, a good father.  There will never be another “Peanut”, but maybe someday, Britt and I will have a Cashew.

I shall now provide a picture displaying the 8 working hours, or 8 seconds it took to create these Halloween monuments.  Easter Island, The Pyramids of Egypt, The Sphincter, all close seconds to my master pieces.  These may be the eighth and ninth wonders of the world.  How many wonders of the world exist?  Sorry.  I don’t trust Wikipedia.