The noun, “Gentleman” is used far too haphazardly in this crazy world. These days, gentlemen seem to be a diamond in the buff… much like sasquatch; When you witness one, it’s usually a fuzzy story and your camera phone doesn’t work properly at that moment. They are extremely difficult to discover.
Each day, I witness men not opening doors for old bags, and when you do find the elusive gentleman, he is often times not rewarded with a simple “Thank you”. This is why chivalry is dying, but not dead.
I am a part time gentleman and half time asshole. When I open a door for a woman going to the theater, or even a man delivering ice to a grocery store, I hold the door open for them. If they don’t give me a “thanks” or merely a smile, I bellow to everyone who can hear me within the continent, “YOU’RE WELCOME!” That’s when the gentleman becomes an asshole.
For years, I’ve searched the world for this elusive full time gentleman, and at one point, I had given up hope. Today, I found him. Just like a Sasquatch can be referred to as a Yeti, this man is also known as the original Mr. Nice Guy. His name is Mr. Craig.
He coaches and teaches at a shitty school in Spokane, Washington. He is amongst a handful of wonderful teachers and coaches at that school. And by handful, I mean about four. The rest of the teachers don’t have opposable thumbs, so a handful of crap is what I should have written.
Craig was coaching a Junior Varsity basketball game with very little significance to the players and the rest of the world. Craig, as a former athlete and current competitor, enjoys winning. However, that soft touch gentleman always gets the worst of him.
Nudging him on the bench in an extremely close game, a usually reserved boy named Marc would not leave his coach alone. Marc’s elbowing routine amidst a very tight game was not allowing Mr. Craig to coach. “When am I going to get in, Coach…….When am I going to get in the game?”
In his usual easy manner, Craig replied, “Alright Marc, you are entering a tight game, so you need to remember what I’ve taught you at practice, ok?”
“You betcha, coach.”
Craig patted him on the back upon entering the game, but knew his team was going to lose. Craig didn’t really mind the losing part, but he did mind that when Marc entered the game, Marc did not know if he was on offense or defense. These are times when gentlemen develop rage after countless hours of coaching and teaching. I call it the Jeckle and Craig Syndrome. When this young man was supposed to be playing defense, he thought he was playing offense. When he was supposed to be playing offense, he assumed he was on defense. Jeckle left the gymnasium and Craig showed up, screaming, “YOU ARE ON OFFENSE!”.
They lost the game, but it wasn’t Marc’s fault. Craig left the gym and the gentleman returned to tell this young man he did his best. The gentleman silently left in his car transforming into his alter ego. Craig drank several beverages that night but has a spot in both Heaven and Hell reserved by Econo Lodge.
I still haven’t found Sasquatch, but I have found the elusive gentleman. You can look him up on the website “GFRO”. It’s similar to the “BFRO”, also known as The Bigfoot Research Organization. The acronym “GFRO”represents a group of people who believe gentlemen indeed exist. It’s the “Gentleman Friendly Research Organization.” I swear to you, THEY exist. They’re just hard to find.