My great nephew, Rocco, is truly great. When he visits our house, he is well mannered, fun, and possesses a terrific personality. Additionally, at the age of five, he has a fondness for technology and, like his mother and father, wants to always remain on the cutting edge of it. However, his father, Pat, and mother, Lacy, wisely, always want to stay at least one step, or in this case, one karate chop ahead of him.
Rocco and his family enjoy using a selfie stick. For those of you who don’t know, a selfie stick can be described as an elongated stick you can attach to your camera or mobile phone, allowing you to take better pictures or films of yourself or others in the background. (I like to refer to it as a long distance facial stick.) The stick also can be attached to a strap which is wrapped around your chest, leaving the camera hands free. After filming yourself, you can then watch the unedited footage from a computer with your parents observing the action. It’s basically the worst idea for a child to have attached to their chest. Actually, unless taking a family photo, it’s just the worst idea since unsliced bread.
At one point, Rocco believed the selfie stick was a hell of an idea with thoughts of capturing every move he made in his backyard. I can’t blame him. Everyone wishes to see themselves on T.V., and, sometimes, just once is enough.
One afternoon, Rocco had one of his neighborhood cousins over to play in the yard. Promising to be careful with the selfie stick and camera, Rocco was allowed to use it until dinner time. With no surprise, after a while, there was a bit of a ruckus in the backyard between the two cousins, and Rocco was brought in for dinner while his cousin was taken home crying. Selfie stick status: Unharmed. The ruckus was deemed by both sets of parents as nothing but the usual sibling disagreement, or they were just plain tired and hungry.
Post dinner, Rocco’s parents asked if they could watch the footage before his bedtime. Reluctantly, Rocco agreed, and they all watched the magnificent cinematography with laughter for thirty glorious minutes. At the 31st minute of his directorial debut, strangely, Rocco asked if he could excuse himself to bed early. His parents found this odd because, clearly, there were fifteen minutes remaining of the backyard motion picture, and Rocco had never requested to head to the fart sack earlier than completely necessary. Nevertheless, they excused him, but keenly, knew something was rotten in their neighborhood. Although tired of the feature film, they decided to finish the remaining fifteen minutes on their own. They weren’t disappointed with the entertainment value, just a little with Rocco.
While making sure Rocco was tucked into bed, they walked downstairs and pressed the play button again. After several minutes had lapsed, what sounded to be the start of a disagreement with Rocco’s cousin turned into one precise universal word echoed throughout the neighborhood by Rocco, thus completely explaining why he was so eager to slumber. “HIYAH!” Pat and Lacy heard Rocco’s bellow on the computer loud and clear just before his tiny little hand landed a karate chop on his cousin’s outstretched paw which may or may not have been reaching for the selfie stick. Crying soon ensued and the ruckus mystery was solved. Making the biggest selfie stick mistake a five year old can make, Rocco had filmed himself committing this egregious act of toddler violence.
Since Rocco’s parents are rational people, I believe they had an honest chat with him about his misbehavior, but didn’t take the incident too seriously. Evidently, Rocco was sincerely sorry and would apologize to his cousin the next time they met. However, Rocco had a serious question for them the next morning. He asked them, just in case he was allowed to use the selfie stick in the future, where the pause button was located on the phone camera. I told you he was great.