Celebration or Sell A Break Something?

(If it ain’t breakin it, don’t go tryin to fixin it)  Did I quote that cliche properly?  Did y’all hear me?

I’m celebrating today for three reasons.  One:  I have happily, officially and strangely conquered two years of marriage. That’s a personal record.  Thank you very much.  Two:  My anniversary gift to my wife was much like Christmas Eve.  If you are fortunate enough, you are allowed to open one gift prior to the next day when Jesus condemns you to Hell for only going to church once a year.  On our anniversary evening, I gave her the gift of patience.  (luckily….years ago, I gave up gambling……that may have something to do with it)

After watching a full day of college football, I didn’t throw one remote uncontrolled hat, wiffleball bat, cat, or even a couch off our deck.  I did consider tossing our house guest off said deck while watching The University of Washington Huskies lose yesterday.  But, I looked at my wonderful wife, and she provided a look which only can be described as this……………………………………did you get that look?  That’s the only way I can describe it.  The Hulk, Catwoman, or even the dynamic duo of Elton John and the band formerly known as Wham can’t match her eyeballs of terror.

Three:  I’m celebrating my second year of complete sobriety…………oops, I mean honesty.  I drank myself silly yesterday.  I am sending this out to cyberspace before my wife can read it.

(I hope the people, especially the in-laws, Earl and Gail, can discern my sarcastic tone)

Happy Anniversary to all including my current wife.

She’s gonna kill me.

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